Giving Up My Chance at Forever_Prequel Read online

  His eyes stay on me as I walk around the car and take my seat behind the wheel. I put the car in reverse but don’t hit the gas. Instead, I sit watching him while trying to talk myself into leaving, because all I really want to do is march in there and make sure he never lays another fucking finger on what’s mine.

  Even though it’s Saturday, my dad and Mason are both at the shop. Mason is training to run the shop on the weekends, and my dad is busy with the bar and grill going up. That leaves Alissa and I all alone in the house.

  We walk up the stairs and into my bedroom, where we curl up in bed. I pull her to my chest, and she lies with her ear against my heart. I’m still as pissed as can be about her foster dad, and I wish she’d let me do something about it.

  “When did all this start?” I need to know how long she’s been living like this.

  “When did what start?” she asks, not bothering to lift her head to look me in the eye.

  “The beatings.”

  “He doesn’t beat me, Dane. He just gets a little carried away.”

  I pick up her wrist and hold up her bruised forearm. “What do you call this?”

  She sits up and crosses her legs beneath her. “He’s never actually hit me. Yes, he grabs my arms and throws me into my room, but he’s never hit me.”

  I place my hands under the back of my head, tilting it just enough to clearly see her. “Abuse is abuse, Alissa.”

  She takes a long breath. “I know, but what am I supposed to do? I can’t let you go in there and beat him up.”

  I roll my eyes. “Let’s move in together.”

  She laughs, causing her lips to turn up in a smile. “Your dad will never allow that.”

  I shrug with my hands still behind my head. “Not here, I’ll find us a place.”

  Her blonde eyebrows lift in surprise. “Nobody’s going to rent to us. We’re not legal adults yet.”

  “You let me worry about that.”

  She takes her place at my side again. “It won’t work, Dane, but thank you for offering. I’ll be fine as long as I get home after school and before curfew.”

  I let the subject drop for now, but I know what I have to do.

  I’ve been saving my money from working at the shop and from my band gigs. Without much to spend it on, I’ve got a pretty good sum saved up. I’m going to find us a place to live, because I have to get her out of that house.

  Chapter Four

  Alissa

  Lying in Dane’s arms, listening to him talk about us getting our own place, makes me love him even more. It makes me feel loved — something I haven’t had much of in my life.

  Being taken from my mother at such a young age, means I don’t even remember her. Bouncing around between foster families my whole life hasn’t let me form lasting bonds. I have fond memories of some of them, but I haven’t ever been treated like I belonged to someone. Like I’m their child. Since the age of five, one truth has resounded in my heart — nobody’s ever truly loved me and probably never would.

  So, now I know how to live on my own. It’s something I had to learn. Live without being treated fairly, live without a real family, live without love. And I’ve done it my whole life. It’s been this way for so long, that at first, I don’t even realize what love really feels like. Dane is the first person who’s ever loved me that I can remember, and as good as that feels, I can’t help but feel like I owe him something for his love and kindness. He just keeps giving to me, and I keep taking. That’s something I’ve never had in my life. Nobody has ever willingly given me anything. Every nice gesture given — a place to live, clothes, food — always comes with an expectation of me in return. Until now.

  Dane isn’t asking for anything. He hasn’t even asked me to love him back, even though I do. He hasn’t said he loves me, but I know he does by the way he looks at me. It’s the same way men in the movies look at their co-stars. When he looks at me, his dark eyes light up, and the corners of his mouth turn up just a bit. Sometimes, his jaw flexes and his Adam’s apple bobs — this is the look I get just before he leans in to kiss me.

  Everything’s different with Dane. Even his kisses are different than those I’ve had in the past. Most guys try and take from me, but Dane just gives. I know he’s considered the troublemaker in town, and his dad doesn’t like the way he lives his life, but I know nobody knows him the way I do.

  When I look at him, I don’t see a C student. I don’t see some troublemaker or partier. I just see Dane — the guy who makes my heart pound and my blood rush with excitement.

  I’m completely lost in whatever this is we’re doing. I don’t know how to accept something without expectations. So, I keep waiting for him to demand something from me, but he hasn’t. A day will come when he’s done with me and passes me on to the next person in line and because of that, I’m holding a little bit of myself back from him. I have to protect myself.

  Before I can get too caught up in thought, the sound of his beating heart against my ear, lulls me into a deep sleep.

  His movement beneath me stirs me awake. The room is dark except for the soft glow of the moon shining through his open window. The cool night air blows through and cools my overheated body. Then I suddenly realize that I’m out past curfew. Again.

  I sit up straight and look around the room for a clock. The red glow on the table beside me confirms my suspicions.

  “Do you need me to take you home?”

  I jump from bed and tangle my hands in my hair. “Yes. God, I’m going to be in so much trouble.” Sitting back on the edge of the bed, I try to think of a way I can get into the house and into my room without him knowing. I know Pam will be in bed already, but Ed is probably waiting up for me.

  “Do you want me to come in and tell him we just fell asleep?”

  I begin pacing the room. “No, that’ll just make it worse.”

  Stepping in front of me, he places his hands on my shoulders but keeps his distance. “Okay, it’s okay.” He pulls me against his chest, placing a kiss on my forehead. His scent and heat sink into me and calm my nerves. I wrap my arms around his lower back and breathe him in as deeply as I can. My heart is pounding, and I know he can feel it.

  Funny thing is, I’m not afraid of being punished by Ed. I’m afraid if I give him too much trouble, he’ll have me placed with another family. A family far away from Dane. “Let’s go.”

  A while later, we’re pulling up to the house. All the lights are off but that doesn’t ease my mind. I lean over and give him a small kiss. “Thank you. I’ll talk to you tomorrow,” I say as I climb out.

  I move to close the door, but he calls out my name.

  “Yeah?” I bend down just a bit to see him leaning toward me.

  “If he hurts you…” His brows furrow together and his jaw flexes, causing the veins in his neck to protrude.

  “I’ll be fine.”

  His dark eyes are intently watching me. “If anything happens, call me. I’ll come get you.”

  I nod before turning away and slowly walking up the front steps. Before I open the door, I turn to see Dane watching me. His jaw is set, and he has these little lines between his eyes from frowning. Seeing the anger, but protectiveness, makes me smile and feel happy that I have him in my life. Finally, someone who cares about me.

  Carefully, I close the door behind me, trying not to make a sound. When I turn around to walk up the stairs, Ed is standing directly in front of me. The house is dark, but light shines through the thin lace curtains, making him appear even more menacing. Anger is etched on his face. His brows are drawn together. And he’s holding his black, leather belt in his hand.

  I swallow down my fear and remember that someone loves me.

  “Where have you been?” The hand holding the belt at his side tightens causing the leather to creak.

  “I’m sorry I’m late. It won’t happen again.” I try stepping around him, but he grabs ahold of my wrist, stopping me.

  “You said the same thing last night. It se
ems you haven’t learned your lesson.” His fingernails bite into my skin and I flinch.

  I don’t bother pulling my arm away, I know it’ll only make it hurt worse. “I know, I fell asleep, or I would’ve been home on time.”

  He pulls me against his chest, and his hot breath blows across my face. “You’ve been out whoring around with that boy, haven’t you?”

  I turn my face away from him and look at the hardwood floor beneath my feet.

  He lets out a small laugh. “That’s what I thought.” He pushes me suddenly, and I fall backward, landing on the stairs.

  Before I can gather myself enough to get up, the belt is flying toward me. I jump from fear just as the leather connects with my thigh. Inside, I scream in pain, but I don’t dare make a sound. I know that’ll only make it worse. Instead of letting my pain known to everyone, I hold it back while I try scrambling away from him.

  I push myself up to my hands and knees. But before I can stand, he uses his foot to push me back to the floor. Swinging the belt again, he lands a solid hit to my backside.

  I try to crawl up the stairs, but the hits are coming faster and harder. With his foot planted firmly on my upper back, he holds me to the floor while the whipping continues. My cheek is pressed into the carpet-covered stairs, and tears sting my eyes, but I refuse to make a sound.

  With every blow, I flinch and wait. Wait for him to be done delivering his punishment. As the hits begin to slow, my legs, ass, and back sting. I squeeze my eyes closed and think of Dane. His soft touches. His firm kisses. His love, is enough to get me through this.

  When I wake in the morning, my eyes are swollen from the tears I cried. I sit up slowly and feel each and every hit I took. With careful steps I move to the bathroom, where I peel off my clothes from the night before and inspect my body.

  I turn and study my backside in the full-length mirror. The back of my body is littered with pink welts that are turning blue and purple.

  I fall to the floor, crying. I pull my knees to my chest and cry out of pain and embarrassment.

  After wasting too much time on the floor, I push up and dust myself off. This isn’t anything more than what I’ve already been through. Sure, other families didn’t beat me like this, but they did hit me when they felt justified. Now, it’s just like all the hits all at once. I can survive this.

  I step from the shower and wrap a towel around myself, walking back into my room. Before I can dress, the phone is ringing. I walk over to the bed and take a seat to answer it.

  “Hello?”

  “I’m coming to get you. Be outside in five minutes,” Dane says before hanging up.

  As much as I want to run to him, I don’t want him to see me like this. I wasn’t planning on seeing him today, but I know if I’m not outside when he pulls up, he’ll just walk to the door and see Ed.

  Hastily, I pull on a pair of jeans, a baggy t-shirt, and shoes before rushing outside. I’m stepping up to the curb as he rounds the corner. His black mustang comes to a stop directly in front of me, and I rush to get into the passenger seat. I can’t afford to waste time. If he sees Ed, I know he’ll want to fight him for the bruises on my arms. If Ed sees Dane, who knows what’ll happen. I may be punished again later for whoring around.

  He hits the gas the minute I’m in the car, and we speed away without being seen. I try to put on a brave face, so my pain isn’t seen, but I’m afraid I’m not doing a very good job. He doesn’t say anything, but questions are written all over his face.

  Neither of us talks until we’re inside his room. As I sit on the bed, he paces the floor with his hands on his head. “Are you going to tell me what happened, or do I have to search for the evidence myself?”

  I push my still wet hair behind my ears and slowly walk up to him. “I’m fine. Can we just be together?” I wrap my arms around his neck and pull him down for a kiss. His lips move against mine, causing a chill to run up my spine.

  He places his hands on my hips and pulls me even closer against him. He starts walking me backward, toward the bed. When he pulls away only slightly, his eyes seem even darker, like I’m staring into an abyss I just want to jump into. “I love you, Alissa,” he whispers.

  Something happens in my chest when I hear those words. Those words have never been said to me before. My chest tightens, and my lungs feel like they can’t get enough air. My head starts to swim, and despite all the pain I’m in, I smile at him. “I love you, too.”

  His lips crash into mine while his hands tangle into my hair, pulling me to him.

  The backs of my legs press against the edge of the bed. Before he lays me down across it, he breaks the kiss and pulls off his shirt.

  He leans me down gently until my body is cradled by the mattress. Then he covers my body with his.

  There’s so much emotion flowing through me that I’m a mess. I’m angry at Ed for hurting me. I’m angry at myself for not being able to stop it. I’m overwhelmingly happy because for the first time in my life I have someone that loves and cares for me. But I’m also nervous because now I have something to lose.

  Tears sting my eyes, and I try my hardest not to let them fall. Dane breaks away and dries my wet cheeks. “Why are you crying?”

  I shake my head and laugh. “It’ll sound stupid.”

  “No, it won’t.” His eyes hold so much emotion. His pupils are black and dilated while the irises are a dark chocolate brown with swirls of gold. I could get lost staring into them.

  “Nobody’s ever told me that before.”

  He seems taken back. “Nobody has ever told you they love you?”

  I shake my head, afraid to meet his eyes now. I don’t know why, but suddenly, I’m shy. What if he finally sees what everyone else sees when they look at me? A lost, broken girl nobody could ever love.

  Something flashes in his eyes. Something that looks a lot like sympathy. “Well, I love you.” He slips in one more quick kiss. “Who cares what everyone else thinks? It’s just us. Nobody else matters.” He lowers himself to me again and kisses me deeply.

  I tangle my fingers into his hair, needing to keep him close. I need to feel his weight against me. I need to feel his heat, so it can warm the coldest parts of me. And I need to feel his love, something I’ve never felt so much of in my entire life.

  His hand hooks under my knee, pulling it up over his hip. The force from the movement against my beaten legs rips a gasp from me.

  The sound makes him pull away suddenly. “Are you okay? What’s wrong?”

  I shake my head and try pulling him back to me, but he won’t come. His facial expression has changed from pleasure to pain. He pushes himself up on his knees and looks down at me. “Show me.”

  I sit up, resting my back against the headboard, which causes me to flinch from another bout of pain. “There’s nothing to show you.”

  “Bullshit!” His breathing picks up, and his chest is rising and falling quickly. His jaw is set, and his lips are drawn into a thin line. He’s angry — angry at Ed for hurting me again or angry at me for not wanting to admit to it. I’m not sure which.

  His anger only fuels my own, and I stand quickly, heading for the door. I need to get out of here before I say or do something to ruin this, ruin us. I always do this. I ruin everything.

  When I march past him, he grabs my wrist. “Show me!” he demands.

  I push his hand off of me, intending on stomping out the door and down the steps to gain some distance. But the next thing I know, his body presses me against the door while his hand pulls up the back of my shirt.

  I don’t fight him anymore. The damage is done. He’s seen the marks. I know from the painful gasp I hear slip from his lips.

  “What the fuck did he do to you?”

  I can’t face him. Leaning my forehead against the door, tears fill my eyes and fall down my overheated cheeks.

  “Answer me, Alissa. What the fuck did he do to you?”

  “When I was late coming in last night, he threw me down and hit me with
his belt,” I answer, still not looking at him.

  I grip the doorknob for dear life and prop against the door, so I don’t fall over like my shaking legs want to. Behind me, something shatters, and Dane screams, “Fuck!”

  The sudden noise makes me jump. When I turn around, the mirror above his dresser has been shattered.

  He is pacing the floor, but when he looks up to see my tearstained face, he stops. “I’m going to kill him for ever fucking touching you.”

  I can’t argue with him any longer. I just nod my head while the tears continue to fall.

  He walks over to me and reaches for the hem of my shirt. I allow him to pull it off gently. He spins me around to get full view of my swollen back.

  I cringe when something touches my shoulder, but then I realize it’s his lips. He kisses my shoulder and trails them across my back to my other shoulder.

  “I’m sorry for letting this happen to you,” he says between kisses.

  I spin around to face him and place my palm on his cheek. “You didn’t let this happen.”

  “I fell asleep and didn’t get you home on time. I took you back there for him to beat on.” His eyes fill with unshed tears. “I’m so fucking sorry.” He removes my hand from his cheek and places a kiss on the palm. “It won’t happen again. I won’t let it.”

  I smile at his optimism. “You can’t stop it, Dane.”

  “I’m getting you out of that house.”

  I let out a long breath. “I have nowhere to go.” He releases my hand, and I walk back over to his bed and sit down.

  “I know a guy that’s selling a house. It’s not the best house. In fact, it’s complete junk. But we can fix it up. It’ll get you away from him,” he says, taking his place beside me.

  “You don’t understand. If I leave, he can report me as a runaway. Not to mention, what if things don’t work out between us? If Ed lets me leave, he won’t let me back in. I’ll be homeless.”